How Your First Queer Experiences in your 30’s Can Feel Like a Second Puberty.

Only You Can Define Your Sexuality.

M.B.
8 min readAug 31, 2024
Photo by Masha S on Unsplash

“I’m glad you’re here, and I love you.”

You know those people who errybody and their mama knew was gay at a very young age? Or those who knew they were queer AF from a very young age themselves?

A decade ago, Pew Research Center found that “12 is the median age at which lesbian, gay and bisexual adults first felt they might be something other than heterosexual or straight” and “for those who say they now know for sure that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, that realization came at a median age of 17.” Last year, Gallup found that about one in five Gen Z adults identifies as L.G.B.T.

Yeahhhh, that wasn’t us.

We’re both not and somehow exactly the mascots for #nationalcomingoutday, but that’s just how we roll. So many of us are not here. So many of us didn’t get the chance, the safe space, the safe person.

I love the teary-eyed, knee-knocking, clear-headed bravery. I love that vulnerable honesty that comes in a whisper, an excited giggle, or straight-up showing up with the person you love, no words necessary.

A 70-year-old Jewish woman in a restaurant

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